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last night angst (written yesterday) and phone angst. - Feel Like Going Insane? [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

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last night angst (written yesterday) and phone angst. [Jun. 2nd, 2007|11:52 am]
<lj-cut text="Ever the influence, Coreh.">

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My Family. </font>

My family has too many problems that I am uncomfortable with addressing to so large and anonymous an audience. The thing is, I believe we stopped loving and caring about each other some years ago. We are all selfish, illusioned, and very very screwed up. Pack all this into one house and make them poor to boot, and there's not a happy equation.

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Alex. </font>

I've never been in love before, so I could be wrong (I could ALWAYS be wrong), but I believe this is it. Only, I fuck things up so much that it's a tad bit laughable to think I could ever be with anybody and make them happy. People who know me as a friend know that I am volatile; close friends are aware that I'm mercurial; the boys I date know that I'm a bipolar who's opinion, reactions, or feelings are subject to change much as a puff of wind kills a smoke ring. Poetic enough for you? I'm a crazy, psychotic, chaotic bitch. I WARN people about this, I tell them, 'Don't be surprised, don't be hurt, don't be disillusioned." and always they are. I don't even think Alex likes me; a fact I've informed him of. And all I did was hurt him AGAIN because he doesn't know how to prove that he loves me. I know he does, but I don't think he does, and that makes a world of difference. 

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Mon amis. ,</font>

I am getting better at being dependable; I am easier to talk to, and more likely to be there. So there's that.


I'm rather angry actually. My dad bought me a $50 phone card....not knowing that my phone won't turn on. So. Once Alex picks me up (IF he does, he may be too tired), I'm going to have him take me to Target (where i got the phone) to see if I can either refund the card, or have them tell me what's wrong with my phone. 
I'm still certain I won't come out of there happy.

[User Picture]From: super_freak27
2007-06-02 05:28 pm (UTC)

-Your family is unique and a many people wouldn't be able to see that. Some might just see you as, well, dysfunctional. But I have a feeling that it one of you was extremely hurt and/or emotionally scarred, a bond would show that is tough to crack.
-I know the deal with Alex. He loves you, he really does, there is just no way for him to show it. If he could, I imagine he would even propose to you-JUST to show that he loves you. <-- That is far fetched, but I'm trying to gt my point across that he is trying to get to you. :]]]]]

P.S- Your cuts and edits didn't work. I'm going to guess you had your journal update on 'Rich Text Mode'. Edit this entry and switch it to the stand HTML format.
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